hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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