Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
even my farts smell like vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
