i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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