It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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