I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
