I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
