were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
