Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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