I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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