peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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