Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
