Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
