he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
