Pappa wants mamma naked
so that wasnt chicken after all
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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