Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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