I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
