they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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