Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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