He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
