I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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