We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
