Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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