tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i now understand why vodka
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
