You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
