you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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