There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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