he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
