So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
