Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
