what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
