By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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