I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
