I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You can't special order awesome
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
