Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love black thongs
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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