there's paper in my vomit.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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