Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
