Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
