I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
