Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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