Operation Purity has been aborted
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
