you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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