Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
