if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
