U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
