dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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