the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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