He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
