This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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