i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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