I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
