consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
