Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
