It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
