we have officially lost it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
