mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
