She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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