she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
