Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
