I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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