So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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