Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
