I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize